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Florida woman ran an illegal butt enhancement cafe. Floridaman tried to act out Grand Theft Auto in real life.

FLORIDA FRIDAY – 85 year old Floridaman arrested for street racing over 100mph in his “favorite sports car”. Florida woman arrested for running an illegal “Butt Enhancement Cafe”. Florida woman arrested after a loud fart leads to death threats in a Dollar General store. Floridaman crashes his truck and then tries to steal a medical helicopter to make a getaway.

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Police declare war on disappearing genitals sorcery. Mutant sewer rats love poison and might be teaching ninjitsu.

Mutant sewer rats are spreading rapidly through US cities. Police in Kenya have declared war on the disappearing genitals sorcery. Police in Dublin, Ohio are retiring a parking garage Robo-Cop after 0 arrests and 0 tickets in ten months time.

Giving herpes to a customer, an Arby’s manager is being sued. Missing giraffe in Texas named Gracie, the search is on.

Arby’s employee accused of giving herpes to a customer. Vietnam police rescue 500 pet cats from being eaten in largest bust ever. The search is on in Texas for a missing giraffe named Gracie.

Search is on for a magician that vanished a week ago. Japan holds their annual Ninja certification tests.

Authorities in Australia are searching for a magician that vanished over a week ago. Japan holds the 18th annual Ninja certification test. Man used a massage gun on his tired eyeballs and it didn’t go well.

World Cup fans are addicted to bad Ranch dressing. Teen jailed in Russia for ordering a pizza in the name of Hitler.

Don’t chug Ranch dressing at the airport, warns TSA to visiting World Cup fans. Japan cracks down on the ice cream cartel as summer heats up. Russian teenager goes to jail after ordering a pizza in the name of Adolf Hitler.

Floirdaman pulled over with 34 empty White Claw cans as his passenger. White couple decide to keep their Asian baby after IVF embryo mixup.

FLORIDA FRIDAY – Floridaman gets out of jail and immediately steals a truck from the courthouse and leads police on a car chase. Floridaman arrested after trying to shoot down a drone that was owned and operated by the local police. White couple has IVF mixup but decides to keep their Asian baby that is not genetically their own. Floridaman arrested for DUI after police discover 34 opened White Claw cans in his car.

Man attacked by a gator after fleeing from police in a swamp. Doctors remove a 20cm bottle from man’s rectum, he claims was “cleaning himself”.

After running from police on foot, a Louisiana man is attacked by an alligator after jumping into a swamp. Minor league baseball team in Pennsylvania canceled a Pride Night ballgame after players refused to wear a rainbow. Doctors removed a 20cm bottle from a man’s rectum after it got stuck while he was “cleaning himself”.

Scottish soccer fans drank all the beer in Boston. China claims foreign “spy turtles” are monitoring their seas.

Scottish soccer fans drank all the beer in downtown Boston. Data shows there’s groups of men that pee in the sink and call it a “movement”. China claims foreign intelligence agencies are spying on them by using Spy Turtles and Spy Fish.

Dog shoots at a neighbor, destroys a gaming computer. Canadian man arrested for drunk kayaking.

Canadian man arrested for drunk kayaking. Study suggests the iPhone invention is responsible for the declining birthrates in US. Gaming PC saves owners life after bullet’s fired by a neighbor’s dog.

Lemonade stand robbed at gunpoint, children shook. Enemy lesbian nuns quit a convent and get married in Brazil.

Child’s lemonade stand armed at gunpoint in South Boston. Enemy lesbian nuns quit the convent and marry each other. Study of 10 million couples show no link between zodiac signs and marriage.