Oregon woman is told by Wells Fargo bank that she’s dead except she’s not dead. Court in Ireland rules that Subway’s sand which bread is not actually bread. Voters in Switzerland will decide on basic rights of primates. // Weird AF News is the only daily weird news podcast hosted by a comedian because I believe your daily dose of weird af stories deserves a comedic spin.
In Oregon a woman is told by her bank that she’s dead. She says it’s not so.
Word of Judy Cash and her death came as quite a shock to Judy Cash. The. News came from her bank wells Fargo in a letter. The Lincoln City woman was surprised to discover in this letter that she had in fact according to Wells Fargo been dead since two thousand nineteen. We are sorry for your loss and understand this is a difficult time for you wells Fargo notified her. The letter told cash ner age seventy, six that credit card payments received after her passing would be applied to transactions made after her death. If this was not your intent, please call us. Well to judy it seemed like a big old joke from wells? Fargo. The kind of computer generated mistake that plagues modern life at times but when Judy called Wells Fargo to fix the situation, she got some bad news about her death. What was that news? In addition to notifying. Own Death Wells. Fargo also took it upon themselves to tell three credit reporting agencies that she also had died. Judy and her husband were in the process of refinancing their home. So they could pay to replace a failing septic tank. You can imagine the problems that they encountered. When they find out that she’s dead according to the credit agencies. Wow. What a mess That monty python movie, I’m not dead yet. The situation got resolved by Wells Fargo, but not before a bunch of non state charges were tacked onto her credit card bill. It’s still not clear how wells Fargo got the notion that Judy had died or why it failed to verify that information before acting on that information well, I can tell you why it’s because it’s Wells Fargo? Just like the worst bank. The worst bank. It would seem to me that you need to see I. Don’t know a death certificate to establish that a customer has died. Before you tell all of her creditors that she’s also passed away. Although these non state charges still appear on Judy’s credit card bill. The bank now tells her, she doesn’t owe them. Wells. Fargo. Ultimately invited her to the local branch where she was presented with a signed form called a declaration of Life I. Wonder If make that up on the spot hey, do we have a form for a form for what what we set a lady was dead but she’s not dead Yes, let’s make one up right now. What should we call it? How about declaration of life? Yeah that’s actually much better than declaration of we really screwed up. So let’s go with that one. The lady at Wellsfargo. told me I looked good judy said so I did like her for that. Bring out today said. Oh. His one, nine pence. Dead what nothing here’s your nine pence I’m not dead. He says he’s not dead. Yes he is. I’m not. He isn’t. Well, he will be soon. He’s very ill but I’m guessing badger. No, you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment. Oh, I can’t take him that it’s against regulations. I don’t want to go in the called out. Don’t be such a baby I can’t take him I feel fine. We’ll do us a favor I can’t. Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won’t be long. No. I’ve got to go to the robinsons they’ve lost nine today. When’s your next round? Thursday I think I’ll go for a walk you’re not fooling anyone you know look isn’t that something you can do i. feel happy.
Original article for reference:
https://www.foxnews.com/us/oregon-woman-disputes-wells-fargo-claim-shes-dead-its-not-funny
A court rules that Subway’s sandwich bread is not bread.
Ireland’s supreme. Court has issued a ruling declaring that the bread served at subway does not actually meet the legal definition of bread because of its sugar content. And now you know I- Americans are fat AF. This case was brought before the court subway Franchisee book finders, which claimed that the bread subway served qualified as a staple food which in Ireland means that the bread would be exempt from value added tax thereby saving subway some money, the ruling which was handed down by the five, I? Rish.
Court said that the breads sugar content, which is five times higher than what was set out in Ireland’s VAT act of Nineteen seventy-two is much too sugary to meet the legal definition of bread and therefore cannot be called a staple food. Here is a quote from an official. The argument depends on the acceptance of the prior contention that the subway heated sandwich. Bread as defined and therefore can be said to be food for the purposes of the second schedule rather than confectionary since that argument has been rejected, this subsidary argument must fail. According to the. Act of Nineteen seventy-two, the sugar allowed in a bread product must not be more than two percent of the total weight of the flour and the dote. Subways dough across all of their bread options, white bread and nine grain wheat, honey Italian herbs, and cheese nine, gray, multi-seat, and heavy Italian. All contain ten percent sugar that is so much sugar. How can ten percent of your bread be all sugar? How because you’re you’re an American bread maker? That’s why at the end of the day. This is American bread which is just it’s shit it’s so shit. And it is not good for you and it’s the reason why so many people have a belly I’m telling you right now it’s a bread belly it’s from our bread. I, it’s just my theory. Now Supreme Court Justice Donal O’Donnell, which is the most Irish name I’ve ever heard Donald, Donald What did Donald O’Donnell say well, bred was originally established to make a distinction between the START I can’t do an Irish accent. Originally established to biggest distinction between the starch and other baked goods, cookies or cakes brownies let are sugary and therefore not healthy enough to be considered essential foods is that any good? I don’t know I worked on it. Yeah apparently there’s so much sugar in. The subway bread and in most breads that’s manufactured in the states that. They can be categorized as baked disputes. I’d imagine that’s what’s happening in Ireland. anyways. So good I’m glad. Absolutely I hope they make a change over here because this bread has got to go through a chain it’s gotta be real bread you know I’ll never forget. I met a band from Australia and I was on a talent show with them for it was a it was a web show on Buzzfeed was like emerging talents I was doing comedy they were playing music they were Australian. They had been in La for a couple of months they were loving it and I said, what is the one of the most notable differences in the food? Would you say and without missing a beat the the singer told me. The bread. She was astounded that the bread could last this long on a shelf or in a bag she just she was like the bread that we have. It it goes bad after a few days. It’s it’s well, I assume made of real ingredients. And clearly the bread and America has preservatives and whatnot to allow it to live on the shelf tons of sugar I mean the shit is. It’s awful. Absolutely. Awful. This is just my opinion. I’m not Baker. I’m just trying to spread some information here I talked to people and I I come up with a a judgment. Okay. Obviously something’s going on because Ireland is like screw you and your bread, get it out of here. I’d rather have me lucky charms. I’m wondering if this will happen with some other foods like obviously. McDonald’s chicken nuggets aren’t chicken either Ireland, can you get on that case I don’t know what that is but can you? I don’t know what those Burgers are either at Burger King. What is that? No Clue? Yes if anything could you please shame American food manufacturers into making some healthy things so we all don’t die of heart disease by the age of sixty two I’d appreciate that Ireland.
Original article for reference:
https://abcnews.go.com/International/court-rules-subways-sandwich-bread-bread/story?id=73358543
Switzerland will vote on giving primates fundamental constitutional rights.
Primates could be given fundamental constitutional rights in an area in Switzerland. After a proposal was given, the go-ahead Basil City will vote on whether to amend its constitution after campaigners amassed more than one hundred thousand signatures. Oh, we’re any of those signatures by a monkey or an APE.
Then I don’t think can have constitutional rights. If you can’t sign your name, you probably shouldn’t get constitutional rights. Okay. Maybe I’m wrong. Let’s get into the article. Maybe they make a compelling argument to give monkeys constitutional rights. I think this sounds insane but let’s read before we judge the vote has been given the go-ahead by the country’s Supreme Court Wow. How much time does court and? Switzerland have on their hands that they’re dealing with this kind of are there no crimes or any problems at all? Is Switzerland just this unbelievable heavenly motherland of no crime issues whatsoever that the Supreme Court just sits around and says, you know we’re a little bored. Why don’t we tackle an issue on whether or not? We should give other animals constitutional rights that sounds like a good time. Away we can justify our enormous paycheck. Apparently this has been going on a long time last year a complaint against the amendments legality was dismissed by Abaza court in on Wednesday the Federal Supreme Court Switzerland rejected an appeal against that decision. The court said in principle canton’s can go further than the protections guaranteed by the Federal Constitution. The initiative does not ask that federal rights according to humans be extended to animals, but is asking for the introduction of specific rights for non human primates. While unusual this does not in itself. Contradict contradict superior law especially since the fundamental distinction between animal rights and fundamental human rights is not brought into question. Well I. Hope. So but again what? giving. Monkey rights would is this. What are we doing here? I’d like to see some of these rights what are the rights? Animal rights groups. Launched the proposal in two thousand sixteen it’s these animal rights groups my goodness there behind all these shenanigans. You know you’ve got this huge budget man why don’t you just go save the animals that are endangered being slaughtered right now I mean there’s I’ve heard the news coming out of the Amazon and other such places. The. Plains of Africa. These These lions in these elephants in these rhinos are disappearing and yet your hanging out in. Switzerland. Trying to get. The rights of monkeys to play Xbox is that what you’re doing with your time and your resources the seem silly I’m not trying to say you. You’re all dummies but man come on man. The story that they had these animal rights groups, we’re trying to get the animals off the home of the cookie box there the animal, the animal crackers, box I, mean these are the kinds of things that these animal rights groups are doing and they just just blows. My mind absolutely blows my mind I’m getting way too excited about this I know I should calmed down. Let’s hear what this animal rights group has to say they’re called sentence politics. Here’s a quote from the organization non human primates have a fundamental interest in their life and physical and mental integrity. Yeah. They have a fundamental interest in their life as do all living organisms on the earth have a fundamental interest in their life. That’s why you see bugs jumping off buildings to kill themselves not that they can die that way. But I’ve seen bugs fall quite a ways and they don’t die I’m always like flabbergasted by that fact. But yet, you don’t see other other than humans. You don’t see other lifeforms really committing suicide they all try to continue living they all have a fundamental interest in living what makes the primates anymore special. Another quote from them is however, this is hardly this fundamental interest is hardly ever taken into account by the Swiss animal welfare legislation. Why should it? It’s a waste of resources. Does anybody see that? These governments just squander resources with bull crap Ola like this. Look I enjoy primates just as much as the next primate get it because I’m a primate fan. And I’m all for protecting them. But you know you gotTa do more than just do stuff on paper for these animals, men giving them some rights on some document. That’s just GonNa sit by the way. This is only one city in Switzerland. What about the rest of the country what about the rest of the world that thinks you’re out of your mind? What are you going to go out and give them health insurance as well I’ll bet you, I, bet you they. If they give monkeys health insurance in Switzerland, it’ll be ten times better than the health insurance I have right here in the United States I guarantee you that I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. These Swiss primates are on their way to having a much better quality of life than I am as a broke ass American here, recording in a closet I. Tell You right now I would trade spaces in a minute just get lifetime supply of bananas.
Original article for reference:
https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/politics/voters-to-decide-on-basic-rights-of-primates/46037828
